Flashback: 6 Reasons why 2-Year Olds are The WORST

Note: This post was written nearly two years ago before I truly became a “working mom”. Reading this almost makes me miss B’s 2yo cuteness, but then not really….
Many times in a day I get to hear “Mommy working? Ohhh, I help.” or I turn around for one minute and he has jewelry pliers in one hand and an unfinished project in the other. “I working” he will sweetly say and then usually ends up spilling a whole container full of small beads on the floor. ” Clean up, clean up, I sweep!” Seriously, dude? Just go play with your choo choo and eat your goldfish! These are my 6 reasons why two year olds are the worst….. 1. They NEVER stop eating.  If I had that kind of metabolism, I’m pretty sure our grocery budget would double. Not only that, but he will eat anything. Soggy goldfish, cold hot dogs, stale cereal, ick! Then again, if I moved even half as much as my two year old I probably would be able to eat as much as he does and stay the same size. Such as life. 2. Do they have any clue what germs are?  Can you just imagine what life would be like if we had the same sanity standards as toddlers. Perhaps we would all have better immune systems? I don’t know. But they can totally not wash their hair for three days and not care. Or, pop up post diaper change and go sit on the couch totally naked. Yes, I do realize it is our job as parents to teach our child that it is not okay to go poo poo on the potty and then not wipe or wash your hands. Whatever, do they really listen anyways? Mine usually doesn’t. 3. Why can’t they just play with one toy at a time? My husband knows that when he comes home and it looks like a tornado hit our house, it’s probably because we were at home most of the day. Those are usually the afternoons that I am counting down the minutes until 5:15 rolls around. That tasmanian devil that lives in our house needs to learn how to play with just one toy, then put it back and get another one out. Why is that such a hard concept to comprehend? Seems pretty darn simple to me. 4. They Always Want to Drive Your Car. Luckily, I can blame this one on my husband. What started as a sweet little activity quickly became a nightmare. Long ago, when my husband would come home from work, we would be in the driveway and B would get to ride around the block in Daddy’s car. Sometimes, he would even get to help him “drive”! My precious bundle of joy has now figured out how to open the trunk, climb in and seat hop around the car. This usually happens when we are running late(which is always). I have to chase him not just around but through my car while he shouts “I drive, Berkeley do it”. No dear, just get in your fricken oversized plush lounge chair that I haul around and let’s buckle you up. Otherwise, you’re going to miss the buggy ride at school! 5. Their Shoes!!!! I feel like this one doesn’t even need an explanation, it’s endless….. Why don’t they ever fit? Why can’t we find the other one? Why do you only have one shoe on? Why do they stink? Why are your shoes in your mouth? Why won’t you just keep your shoes on when we’re out to dinner? Why won’t you even let me put your shoes on? Why do you refuse to put sandals on without socks? Shoes are always an issue at my house. 6.  Personal Space, What’s That?  Why must these children be all up in our business and at what point do they understand that a closed door is NOT an invitation to open it. For at least the first year of their lives all we do is cuddle with them and it’s adorable. But then, one day they start walking… and all of a sudden they’re independent little things that want to do everything themselves but watch you go potty. I have learned that even if the baby gate is closed, the door to my bedroom is closed and both bathroom doors are closed he will still find me. If then, I dare to lock the bathroom door he still tries to walk in and cries when he realizes it’s locked. Just in case I think I might be home free, I see little fingers underneath the door… silly mommy! Two years olds really are the worst, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Okay, maybe I would but someday I will miss these moments….or so I’m told.   With love, Macy P.S. I wanna give a shout out to that dude I’m married to…without you I wouldn’t have the time to do this! Thanks for being a great roomie, Dad and friend. *kiss* P.P.S. I’ll know if you’ve read this or not because I will ask you what the very end of my last post said. Be prepared, hun.

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